the zero escapades: the memphis edition

Hey, everybody... hope your weekend went well. Mine was, to say the least, interesting. I went down to Memphis to visit Zero K (you know when he's involved - something serious is going down). From the way everything dealing with this trip started out, I should have known things would be definitely unique. To start things out, I planned on going down to Memphis about 3 weeks ago. I was supposed to ride down with my home girl, Pretty in Pink. Pretty told me she was going down to Memphis and asked if I wanted to come along. Of course, I did... who turns down a free ride? Pretty and I finally settled on a date to leave: Thursday evening when I left work. That sounded cool to me - until Pretty decided to change her plans without letting me know anything. All of sudden, I have no ride! Oh, my damn - what do I do?!! Luckily, my intern, Sam I Am overheard the situation and just happened to be headed down there the following day. I’m back in the game!

Right before Sam and I are headed for the highway, she tells me she has to run a quick errand and then we can hit the road. Turns out, the only thing that got hit was her Ford Explorer. How the hell do you get into an accident right before you leave the parking lot? Is it bad that I was praying that her vehicle would be drivable enough for us to make it there? In spite of those incidents, we still made it down to Memphis in a decent amount of time. I go into the apartment, chill for a bit and then Zero and I decide to go out for drinks at a trendy bar downtown.

We decided to meet up with a frat brother of his, Jungle Love and his brother, Smooth Operator. Jungle Love was running late (as usual) and Zero and I plop down in some seats to wait. Once we sit down, Zero buys us a round of drinks for the two of us... and I am left at the seats to stare at the surroundings. While doing us, a clearly inebriated young lady begins speaking to me... to be honest; I have no idea what she was saying. She spent ten minutes mumbling something to me about Mandingos and loosening her up until her date, who was buying her drinks, returned. Needless to say, he was pretty pissed off but, hey, it wasn't my fault... I was just sitting there, minding my own business.

Zero finally returned with one of the most watered-down drinks I've ever had to experience of tasting.... I’m not complaining though, it was free.... and it was liquor. Never a bad combination! We've come to realization that Jungle and Smooth may not be arriving anytime soon so we begin to make our exit from the bar. While collecting our things, we run into Zero’s old flame. She had a friend/co-worker/associate with her... who I immediately begin to chat up with the charm and charisma showcased by few individuals. By this time, Jungle and Smooth have arrived and we all are seated at a table in the back room. We begin to discuss different things. All of sudden, Zero’s ex begins to recollect her first memory of me. I am all ears...

She “jokingly” tells me that she remembered me having the ashiest lips she had ever seen. At this time, I'm under the table, trying to pick up the remainder of my face. Fortunately, I rebound from the situation as I continue to talk to the friend/co-worker/associate as well as the rest of the group. I’m having a good time… and somehow, the pleasant conversation we all were having made a very dark turn for the worst… don’t you hate when that happens?!!! We delve into a somewhat heated discussion on what men and women look for in relationships… needless to say, I didn’t get the friend/co-worker/associate’s number after that exchange.

Saturday After finally waking up out of my slumber and funk from the previous night’s events – Zero and I make plans for the evening. We decide to meet up with Jungle and Smooth at Jillian’s so that we can go bowling. Upon arrival at Jillian's, we find out that all the lanes were filled up… so we end up going upstairs to play some games. While I run off to get a card for the machines, Zero runs into a classmate of his, Cali Love and a friend of hers, Black Widow. At this point, Jungle and Smooth have immediately fallen in love with Cali and Black Widow. Jungle starts to push up on Cali and Smooth makes a beeline for Black Widow. Zero and I just sit back and watch the games begin. We all sit around (after our gaming money was spent) and talk about different things... sound familiar? In the midst of the conversation, Black Widow jokingly reveals that she is a stripper. Smooth immediately starts telling her something about never being to a strip club… the thought isn't that crazy, I've never gone either - but it's definitely on my to-do list! Black Widow countered Smooth by questioning his sexuality… needless to say, the brother was dumbfounded but he put on his game face and recovered with a witty comment. Zero and I are observing the pursuit, laughing as the two go back and forth. We also notice Jungle in the corner, getting really cozy with Cali. This continues onward until we leave Jillian’s … in the quest of something else to do. We decide to go to this spot called Cafe Soul - Zero and I take off first, followed by Cali/Black Widow and Smooth/Jungle follow them...

Arriving first, Zero and I see that there is limited parking in the area. We find a spot for ourselves and then we see one for the ladies. Zero and I, always being (ghetto) gentlemen, go stand in a spot so that the ladies can park. Out of nowhere, a prick in a sports car zooms up, trying to steal the spot that we are so diligently standing in. Zero and I form our patented "I Wish You Would Do Sumthin" scowls and dare him to hit us. Really, Zero did the daring; I wasn't the most amenable to that thought; being the closest to the vehicle. Frustrated, he threatens us and swerves off... great, because I would've had to bust him up... After the debacle, we all walk in and sit down. About 10 minutes later, the ownership decides to charge us a cover charge of $10. Come to find out, the two girls have no money (yeah, right)… Smooth and Jungle are broke, I only have my credit card and Zero has 10 bucks…. the ownership upon hearing our dilemma offers the fact that it is $7 with a college ID… we still don’t have enough and decide to leave… as we are getting up, the ownership says we’ll let everyone for the low, low price of$5 per person… We dip. [Lesson: Never try to hustle a hustler. Game recognizes game, homie...]

Unfortunately, we don't have anything to do now so we end up going back to the crib, while the rest of the group ends up over Smooth's house.

About an hour and a half later (around 2:45 AM), Zero receives a call from Jungle, discussing the night's details. Jungle and Cali hit it off real well... and Cali offered up an invitation to Jungle to come through. Jungle drunkenly (and happily accepts) and hightails it to Cali's crib. Cali invites him to her room to talk and Jungle falls promptly asleep... until Cali wakes him up an hour later. Zero and I thought to ourselves: why did she let him sleep for an hour? After we stopped laughing, we consoled him. By that time, we realize it is 3:30 in the morning… and we have to go to the 7:30 service at church… no rest for the weary...

Sunday Somehow we gather enough energy to go to church, out to eat… and stumble back to the house to take a nap before we go to the Grizzlies game at 3. I get a call about Pretty (right before I'm about to get into my nap)… she wants to leave for Nashville in the early afternoon and she tells me I shouldn’t make plans to go to the game until after she talks with her family… she ends up telling me I can go about 1:45… which leaves no time for a nap and urges me to be done with the game by 6… Zero and I head downtown to the arena – where we find swarms of people outside. Apparently, a fire has broken out in the stadium which delayed it for an hour and a half… which means I can’t see the whole game… Zero and I watch until halftime and go to meet Pretty at Starbucks by 5:45... now we can hit the road! We did hit the road, the road to her parent’s house and we sit there until 7:45… I can't believe she made me hurry up...

When we finally hit the road, she tells me she needs to stop in Jackson – she thinks the trip is too long to not stop… [Memphis to Nashville is a 2.5 hr. drive]... Yeah, it's way too long... as you can tell, it was quite a weekend... too tired to write anymore, see y'all Thursday.

By the way, can ANYONE tell me why did Cali let him sleep for an hour? I just can't call it... I'm out.

- Jorge