my name is...

Back once again from basking in my Sunshine, I felt a little bit confused as to what I should write about (well that and trying to catch up with back paperwork – daggone real job) and I decided to check my back e-mails (and actually responded to some of them too…). My homegirl, Californication started telling me about her thoughts on what I should write about and ended up telling me about this situation. It was too good to for me to not show you all so, here it is:

Californication: OK, I started thinking of this because of what happened to me (well, a couple of things that happened to me). I met this guy that my girls convinced me to talk to. He seemed nice but I was drunk and probably babbling. To say the least, I gave him my # and was embarrassed later about it because I met him drunk. This guy called the whole weekend trying to get me to go out with him. What did you expect? It's me!

In the midst of the dude jocking me, I noticed in his messages that he made up a nickname for me (it related to my name of course). Here's how one message would go, "Hey, CALI, call me back when you get the chance, I would love to take you out and just chill with you. Bye!" Maybe it's nitpicking but being the person I am - I noticed that he called me - CALI. Who gave him that right? I'm sure it seems like nothing to most people, but I'm not most people. I introduced myself as Californication (that I do remember, I may have been drunk but I wasn't that drunk)...I put in his phone Californication but he continued to call me CALI. That aggravated the hell out of me. Looky here, Joe Blow - you don't know me well enough to call me CALI. That is meant for friends and family. Did he get too comfortable or what? Most people get to know someone first before they start shortening their name.

A similar thing happened with this girl I hung out with named Justina who dropped me off at home once and asked, hey, is PYT home? Who the funk is PYT and who said you can call her that? My roommate's name is Pretty Young Thing, thank you very much! You hadn't even met her yet but you're calling my friend PYT. Who gave you that right? Is she stupid?

How do people even come up with nicknames? I blame it all on the parents – they start it by calling them cutesy names as babies. It's sad that some kids think that their nicknames are actually their names. The other day, I saw these cute little girls and asked their names. One responded for their crew. She quickly informed me that her name was Shante, and her friends were Lize (pronounced luh-zay) and Mika. Wondering if those names were short for anything, I asked Shante – and Mika spoke up and said no. Shante corrected her and said let me know her real name was Shamonika (are you serious?) and Lize's real name was Alize. What the funk? Where is this lil' girls momma so I can slap her in the mouth? She was drunk off some Alize when she named her daughter that.

Why do people like to be referred to as foolish things or names for no reason? You are a grown man – I will not refer to you as Rerun or Lil' Pistol. Why is your name Red? It has nothing to do with your shade but more so because you're always wearing red. That's stupid. That's like calling a business man Briefcase because he always carries one… I guess there must be nothing stimulating on television nowadays so people get bored and come up with nicknames like A.Pimp.Named.Slickback.

Anyway, I'm tired – I'll talk to you later! Sorry I wrote so much…

I couldn't have said any better myself… hit y'all up on Thursday.

- jorge