So Hard To Say Goodbye.

It's been 24 hours since I lost my cousin. I'm still in a state of disbelief but I know that she's in a better place, shining down on all of her loved ones. Now the family is in the midst of making arrangements for her funeral and I'm remembering the good times I've had with her.

Times like these, my already erratic stream of thinking goes into a state of constant motion and random thoughts come all willy-nilly.

For instance, the word funeral comes to mind. Ain't nothin' fun about a funeral... yet when I was younger, I looked forward to them.

As a slightly portly (think cherubic) child, funerals were sad but they were always followed by all the food you could eat.

How could you not enjoy THAT?!!!

My aunt used to be bribe with candy and promises of bowling if I was a good boy and didn't cry. I then set out to the best boy ever imagined.

Times like that - it was easy to look past death... still wish I had that ability. Instead, I'm wracked with guilt and questions.

Why her?
Why so soon?
Did she leave here knowing how much she was loved?

Right now, I'm choosing to continue her legacy of living life to the fullest. She wouldn't have it any other way.

R.I.P. JodeMyJode...