The Bootleg Hitch Chronicles, Vol. VII.: Do Women REALLY Believe in Monogamy?

No.

I know, I know, you’re supposed to put the conclusion at the end in order to keep the suspense up. I got all that. But I figured I’d be like a good movie and start at what seems to be the end and give a rewind as to how we got there. Let’s begin…

Since I was a teenager, every woman I’ve ever called my “girlfriend” has wanted to be exclusive. Didn’t want to see anybody else, and definitely didn’t want to me seeing anybody else. I agreed to these conditions for several reasons. I really was feeling them, butterflies and all that ish. These were the girls that you fell asleep on the phone with and then lied talking bout you were just listening quietly (which stopped working once I got older and started performing hog calls in my slumber). These were the showpieces (“yeah, that’s mine partna, and yeah, she feels good too”).

Last but not least, the exclusive label was necessary since it was the key to the chastity belt, and I was definitely in the business of unlocking it. But as I analyzed these relationships, a funny pattern arose in my research: just about all these ladies engaged in some type of violation of the exclusivity agreement. In an absolutely random order, the following events took place in these relationships:

· One was secretly calling her old boyfriend of several years behind my back (this actually happened twice)

· One was screwing an older guy, left me for him then broke up with him 2 weeks later

· One would come see me while I was with a previous girlfriend

· The previous girlfriend returned the favor and would call me to come thru

Now before we go on and you get up to tap-dance on a soapbox, the prosecution would like to submit the following facts into evidence:

· I wasn’t a saint AT ALL in a lot of these scenarios.

· Men find monogamy an acquired taste, kinda like beer. Bitter at first, but eventually it grows on us.

With that being said; it became painfully obvious to me that although women like to require exclusivity, it only applies when it’s convenient for them. Even worse, we have become desensitized to it.

Don’t believe me?

I’d like to submit Exhibit A (Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats)

and B (Fantasia and Antwuan)

I always would think that guys out here are just wild and messing with women randomly and cheating with no remorse, but women KNOW guys have a man, STILL get with them, AND expect women to respect their man when they get one.

Am I missing something here?

Nope, I’ll just call it what it is: hypocritical. If a guy can’t expect his woman to stay faithful when he’s boning every chick in the champagne room, women can’t expect any when they’re stepping out on their man or with someone else’s man. So today I’m declaring the myth dead those women are monogamous creatures. If you’re reading this and saying “this don’t apply to me”, then I’d like to say more power to you and keep it moving, my sistah. I would however like you to take a quick second and REALLY think about whether you’ve been the perfect lil’ angel you’re portraying yourself to be.

What do you guys think? Are women lying to us about monogamy, or are they lying to themselves? Let me know what you think.

Deuces, my good people.